For people with a clitoris or a vagina, this is how to achieve an orgasm on your own terms. But we forget that on the screens, especially the small ones pornography , an orgasm is often performative. They can visibly ejaculate. Sex and relationship expert Dr. When asked to describe orgasm, the responses vary wildly. Some people lose control and others simply exhale deeply. During an orgasm, genital muscles will contract, heart rate will increase, and your genitals fill with blood. While your body is working hard to make you feel good, your brain is also releasing a huge dose of oxytocin and dopamine which contribute to feelings of closeness, empathy, and happiness. When I first began writing this piece, I reached out to people I knew personally to describe their orgasm.
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Let’s look at what an orgasm is for someone with a clitoris
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But variety really is the spice of life. You wouldn't eat the same three meals every day, nor would you wear the same outfit over and over. Before getting started, it helps to understand what an orgasm actually is. Each climax can feel different in terms of intensity and duration, depending on how and what part of your body is being aroused, she says. Besides providing a physical release, it's also an emotional one—allowing you to feel closer to your partner or simply de-stress after a tough day.
Some facts of life are sad but true, and one of these facts is that climaxing for many women is anything but easy. In fact, a recent survey from Valparaiso University in Indiana showed that more than half of women who struggle to orgasm attribute the problem to anxiety. Plus, because of the complex nature of the condition, other hangups can be heightened during sex, causing a vicious cycle of worry and frustration. Brenner writes in Psychology Today. If you feel that anxiety may be playing a role in your sex life, talk to a therapist. Women who have trouble reaching orgasm are almost always told to "just relax.
I get asked about orgasms at least once a week—that's just life as a sex researcher for you. Considering how fleeting the actual experience really is—most times, an orgasm lasts just 10 to 20 seconds—I've always found it interesting how much achieving one matters to people. After all, orgasms are just one way that people judge whether a sexual experience was satisfying. But just because orgasms are fleeting doesn't mean there isn't a lot for researchers like me to dig into. Countless studies have been done on orgasms—like who is having the most of them , the weird things that happen after we have them, and yes, how to increase the odds that you have many, many more, if that's what you're after.